Obituary For The Late Mr. Common Sense

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
 

has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, 
 

since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
 

will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
 

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the
 

worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
 

than you can earn) and reliable strategies: adults, not children, are in
 

charge.
 

  
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
 

overbearing regulations were set in place.  Reports of a 6-year-old boy 
 

charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
 

from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
 

reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
 

  
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
 

job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
 

children.  It declined even further when schools were required to get
 

parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
 

but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted
 

to have an abortion.

 

  
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
 

and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
 

  
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
 

burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
 

  
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
 

realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.. She spilled a little in
 

her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
 

  
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
 

wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.  He
 

is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
 

Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
 

  
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.  If
 

you still remember him, pass this on.  If not, join the majority and do
  

nothing.


www.miteshk.blogspot.com 

Read More

marriages.....not made in heaven

The Best Comparison I ever read …

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted. Family system hangs because hardware (calledParents ) is not responding. Compatible with hardware (Parents). You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life. You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life. Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features. Love Marriage is like Windows , beautiful n seductive... . Yet one never knows when it willcrash.... if crashes that's the end Arranged Marriage is like Unix.... Boring n colorless... but still extremely reliable n robust. May crash but easy to recover

Read More

Afghan Presidential Election A Celebration Of All Forms Of Government

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/afghan_presidential_election_a

Read More

10 rules of Hindi movies.

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end,

bash up the villain (who is the real bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will - die

- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 minutes if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection my lord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never

- miss

- run out of bullets.

When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule).

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of

- pots

- barrels

- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9. Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by

- the brothers

- their blind mother (of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)

- the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:

- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.

- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in rule), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter

is in love with the anti-hero.

- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Read More

HOLY BRO CODE..

Awesome: The holy bro-code.

It’s the Bro-code. I must say I got inspired by Barney from How I Met Your Mother, so let me share the Bro-code with you:

The Bro Code:

Article 1/ The one rule: Bro’s always before hoes.

Honor this rule cause it’s the Holy Grail for every bro.

Article 2: (1) If you’re hitting on a chick which a friend of yours declared interest in as well, at least ask him if he minds. (2) If he’s a real good and close bro to you listen to his opinion and follow it.

Article 3: (1) Never whatever you might desire, feel or think sleep with a woman your bro once married or had a relationship with. (3) Hands off from first grade family as well. (4) If you can’t avoid breaking the rule, you must either marry her or get your Bro laid with a really hot woman to make up for it.

Article4: You can critically judge the girls a bro hooks up with, but never ever interfere in his game. If she used to be a man, an animal or is related to him INTERFERE.

Article 5: (1) Always try to avoid seeing your bro naked. (2)If you can’t avoid it, always keep your eyes above his waist. (3) Never make eye contact.

A possible solution is to fix a point on the wall. Be aware, you WILL look like an idiot staring at the wall.

Situations where this rule usually applies: – Devils Threesome

- Men’s Shower

-When your kidnapped by three huge black men.

Article 6: (1) If you bust your bro’s girlfriend or wife cheating on him, you must give her at least 12 hours to tell him. (2) Then it’s your duty, right and responsibility as a good bro to tell him about it. (3) The time begins with the moment you busted her.

Article 7: (1) If your bro asks you to be his wingman you must be his wingman. (2)The only exception is when you’re scoring points already or you’re about to.

As a wingman it’s your obligation to get him lay with the chick he wants. Distract her friends, lie for him, do whatever is necessary.

Article 8: Never take the last beer, only if you’re granted special permission.

Article 9: (1) If you owe your bro money, pay him back as soon as humanly possible. (2)Gambling debts must be paid immediately.

Article 10: Birthday and Christmas presents for your bros are optional.

Article 11: If you go the bar with your bros, you must buy a round of drinks at least once, but only if you can afford it.

Article 12: (1) Never ever shall you lie to your bros about really important stuff. Important stuff is woman, death, if you’re seriously sick, think about changing your gender, turned gay, broke a bro rule, similar very important stuff. (2)You are allowed to leave these facts out though in a story and must only answer them when you’re questioned.

Article 13: (1) If you get 2 tickets to a big event, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

1. Your best friends (in order of how long you’ve known them).

2. The family you actually like.
3. Your acquaintances.
4. The chick you really love and you’re not involved with yet.
5. Co-Workers
6. A high class escort.
7. A real Superhero. At least one power needed.
8. Your girlfriend.

Article 14: If two of your bros don’t get along you can ask them to get along, never to get friends or bros.

Article 15: (1) A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it’s cool. (2) If your bros favorite team lost, don’t push it.

IMPORTANT RULE!!!

Article 16: (1) Always provide your bro with protection. (2) even if it’s his own fault. (3) Never ever hit your bro, except when he lost a slap-bet.

Article 17: Only your closest friends can count as your bros. A wingman is always a bro.

Article 18: If you violate the one rule your no longer to be considered as a bro. If you break any of the others, a bro’ council must be held with the one bro you hurt as a judge, to decide about your further qualification as a bro.

Further rules are to be continued…

Read More

this is N.E.W.S

POLITICS

Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes

'I'll Be Right Back' Claims Commander In Chief

DECEMBER 1, 2009 |

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_tells_nation_hes_going_out

Read More